An 'omage to Holmesey

You all know the story about the Cod Father only having been in the trade union movement for five minutes? No? Ok then, here we go.

About 15 years-ago, maybe longer. In the far-off days of the T&G and the Eddie McDermott reign of terror, we on the left were barely holding our own, on the then Region 1 Regional Committee.

Anyway, as luck would have it a geezer called Dave Reid, from McDermott's beloved CAT, had stood down as vice-chair of the Region. Get this, he'd been head hunted by BA and had turned Queens evidence by going over to the HR Dpt - this was the same lemon that McDermott had backed for chair some months earlier.

So, the vice-chair position was up for grabs, we had Johnnie Charles in the chair, and of course we were going for a win double.

At a clandestine meeting of the then very shadowy Broad Left, we had agreed to put a certain Brian Holmes up for the VC position. The following day, the firs of the RC, I was busy schmoozing those BL members who had missed our meeting, garnering votes for Bri.

The VBA (motor vehicle trade group) had a couple of squatters on the committee at the time. One came from Fords in Dagenham and the other from Vauxhalls in Luton. Both had retired having first taken redundancy. But for all that they were nominally BL.

When I approached these two Herberts putting forward the BL decision, they started moaning. They complained that they hadn't been asked. Which was because we hadn't, mainly because they never attended meetings nor answered their fucking phones.

But, not content with refusing the discipline, one of them, let's call him Pepe so as not to embarrass our erstwhile comrade, then said to me:

'Who is this Brian Holmes? He's only been around the union scene for five minutes..."

Well, as you'd expect I mustered up all my courage, and ran and told Brian what the nasty Pepe had said. Holmesey, in his inimitable way just said: "Oh yeh, is that what he said?" The meeting then started, and Brian lost the vote for VC by two votes; and that was that.

Or so it seemed.

The next morning Big Bri strolls in helloing here and there, slapping the odd back and generally spreading bonhomie. Going up to Pepe, and let's call the other lemon JJ for the sake of the story, he engages the pair in banter. As we all know Brian could charm a Tory out of Kensington and get him singing the Red Flag.

As the laughter grew and the two stooges warmed to the Cod Father's genial spiel, Brian pulled a book from his bag. 

Who's the bloke in the Versace lace shirt
and Ray Ban's holding Vic Turner's left leg?

"Here lads", says Brian. "You know who that is?" pointing at the central figure on the book cover.

"Yeh, that's Vic Turner being carried out of the 'Ville." pipes up JJ.

"Here Pep," invites in Brian. "Do you recall when that was?"

"Yes it was 1972", replies Pepe, beginning to wonder where this is going.

"Correct, me old mate", Brian says. "Now, do you see that good looking young lad who's carrying Vic?"

Quizzically they look at the book cover, then they sheepishly look at Brian.

"Only been around the fucking trade union movement for five minutes?" laughed Brian and leaving the two of them with their gobs wide open.

It was a classic. One of the few times I'd advise people to judge a book by its cover.

'Austerity is the mother of invention’ boasts a Tory Health Minister

A Conservative Health Minister in the Commons has claimed that ‘austerity is the mother of invention’.
If this is the case then the Tories are the parents of poverty.

Jimmy Carr the reincarnation of Richard Nixon?

Just looking at a 'does someone look like someone else' page on Facebook, and I thought of how much Jimmy Carr, 'comedian', looks like a young Richard Nixon. Take a look and see if you agree.

Years ago I read George McDonald-Frasers 'The Steel Bonnets', a history of the Border Reivers. The Reivers were borders families who spent much of their time rustling one and others cattle, raiding neighbour's lands and generally cultivating feuds that lasted for generations.

McDonald-Fraser made a few interesting points about these 'clans', the Robertsons, Charltons, Elliots, Armstrongs, Nixons, Croziers, Scotts, Bates, Littles, Thomsons, Glendennings, Irvines, Bells, Carruthers, Grahams, Johnstones, Johnsons, Jardines, Moffats, Latimers,Carrs, etc. He argued that this strong genetic strain can still be seen, in amongst places such the USA. He highlighted the strong resemblances between Richard Nixon, Billy Graham and Neil Armstrong, all from Reiver stock.

I would suggest that McDonald-Fraser's observations were spot on, and I offer up the striking resemblance between Jimmy Carr and Richard Nixon, again both have Reiver's names.

Justice for the dead and injured from Grenfell Tower

Martin Howe, a solicitor working with survivors of the Grenfell fire, spoke at the London and Eastern Regional Committee this morning. His telling of the personal testimonies of survivors was very hard hitting. What Grenfell tenants experienced that night in June is unimaginable. The courage described by Martin of those who died, survived and those who assisted on that night was humbling to those of us listening to this harrowing account.

Although, a public enquiry is taking place, there are concerns around the chair of the enquiry as well as proceedings being overwhelmed by legal teams 'defending' the council, and those who made the decisions around the refurbishment of Grenfell Tower. This enquiry cannot be a vehicle driven by lawyers whose only interest is to mitigate any damage directed at their clients. We, trade unions, grass roots groups, and everyone who holds justice dear must be vigilant. We must insist on justice for the dead and the survivors of the Grenfell disaster.

The UK great tit, the Biggus Beakus, outshines its European cousin in the beak department

Here’s one in the eye for Johnny European. The British great tit is more endowed in the beak department than its European counterpart – for the future to be referred to amongst bird watchers as the EU lesser great tit.

Apparently, the good old British tradition of bird feeders in gardens has led to UK great tits beaks growing a massive 0.3mm longer than their European cousins. This has led to a growth in number of great tits in the UK; while a rise in therapy counselling amongst European great tits has been reported.

“This could lead to an outbreak of beak envy amongst European great tits if the UK great tit is allowed to flaunt its superior beak endowment”, commented a spokesperson from the EU in Brussels.  

That other great British tit, Nigel Farage, has yet to comment on this great news surrounding great tits in the UK.

My modem's lost its mojo

Just spent another interminable chunk of my finite life span on the phone to BT. Once again the BB is moving at the speed of a dead snail; or it's simply given up the ghost and done a moody into the ether, or wherever dead bandwidth goes after curling up its toes.

After hanging on the phone for what seemed like a mini-eternity I finally made contact with a live voice. I then answered the compulsory fuck-me-cor-blimey-O'Reilly obvious questions, you know...is you modem switched on? What browser are you using? Have you tried unplugging the modem while singing 'Bohemian Rhapsody' in the style of a Gregorian chant while holding your breath for an hour?

So, my BT techie having now eliminated the impossible, decides whatever remains, no matter how whacky, must be the problem.

"Where is you modem?" she asks.

"On my desk" I respond wondering where this is going.

"Do you have any other electrical nearby, such as monitors, mobile phones or landlines?" She warily poses.

"Yes" I say. "All of those things. Is this a problem? I mean they're all on my desk. Isn't it usual to have a modem connected to your computer as well as having phones nearby?" I ask in a somewhat incredulous voice.

"That's the problem. You need to move the modem away from those pieces of equipment as they all emit conflicting signals" said said techie, with more than a soupçon of triumphalism in her trilling voice.

"OK, point taken." I grudgingly retort. "Where would be the best place to site the modem?" I tentatively posed.

"Right, keep away from you monitor, tablet, laptop, mobile phone, but especially away from your cordless phone. Oh, and walls and windows can be a problem." She came back with all the authority of BT techie of the month.

"So, keep away from my monitor, tablet, laptop, mobile phone, cordless phone, walls and windows? Hmm, quite difficult that, as my home is full of all those gadgets, and just to be bloody awkward it is enveloped in walls, which just to put the cherry on the cake, have windows placed within them. Do you think moving into a field would solve the problem?" I concluded, in a somewhat, some might think unreasonable, sarcastic tone.

Not so smart phones

In line with my exercise routine I thought I'd buy a smart watch to register stuff such as mileage cycled (I've got a mini bike peddle machine that I use in tandem with my wheelchair), calories lost, etc. The watch could also act as a SatNav, text messenger, etc.

I looked on line and noticed PC World/Curry's sold a Samsung watch, which would link nicely with my Samsung Galaxy android. Great, I schlepped over to the Old Kent Road of said store. After looking around at the smart watches on offer, I couldn't see any Galaxy watches. On asking a staff member I was told that PC World didn't carry this model in the shop.

Just as a matter of interest I then asked if I could try one of the Apple smart watches. "No Sir, we don't allow customers to try this product on.""Oh, so how do I know if the watch fits?" I asked."You buy the watch, then try it on, of course." Replied the shop assistant in a matter-of-fact-what-are-you-like-you-daft-twat-DOH, as though I was Mr Fuckingstupid asking the most daft of questions.

"OK, I see. Tell me, my friend. You're wearing an expensive pair of trainers. What were they, £150?"

"Yes??" he responded guardedly.

"What are you, size 9.5, 10?" I enquired.

"Yeh, 10, in these trainers. Sometimes size 9 or 9.5, depends on the trainers. Nike usually comes up a bit bigger."

"Bet they comfortable? They look really comfy to me." I added.

"They're good, geez. Need to be in this job, on me feet all day." he griped.

"So, I'm looking to buy a £300+ to £400+ watch, and you think I'm being pushy asking to try it on?" I queried. "Don't you think it's reasonable for me to make this request?"

"Well nobody else has asked me to try one on. And anyway, they're not that popular as we don't sell many." Was his rejoinder.

Oh well, it's good to know that irony lessons weren't wasted on this bloke.

Some small crimes no longer investigated by our broken police forces

As the police are now so stretched for resources they will no longer be investigating small crimes. The question being asked, of course, is what constitutes a 'small crime'? 

How about these, for starters? 

• Billion pound fraud committed in the City of London? 
• Ex-prime ministers, Tory grandees, and Lords buggering children? 
• Thousands of disabled people dying as a result of flawed health assessments? 
• Politicians taking us to war on the say so of doctored reports? 
• Political parties cheating on election expenses thus getting an advantage over their opponents? 
• MPs cheating on their expenses and hiding behind ignorance of the very rules they put in place?

National Disabled People's Summit on the 4th November

The National Disabled People's Summit on the 4th November. See below for details of the Summit and the Agenda and Timetable for the day.

Please click on this link:https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/national-disabled-peoples-summit-tickets-38706991654 to complete the eventbrite form so we can plan for your access needs, dietary requirements and which workshops you would like to attend.

National Disabled People's Summit www.eventbrite.co.uk

Since 2010 Disabled people have been subject to brutal attacks in every area of our lives caused by the disproportionate impact of austerity measures and the dismantling of the welfare system. In August the United Nations disability committee publicly declared that they are now more worried about the UK than any other country in the entire history of the committee and that UK Government “social cuts” have led to “human catastrophe”. This followed publication at the end of last year of the Committee’s investigation into the UK which found evidence of “grave and systematic violations” of Disabled people’s rights due to welfare reform.

Yet the Tory Government continues to deny there is a problem.

This summit will bring together Deaf and Disabled people from the trade union movement, Deaf and Disabled People’s Organisations and grassroots campaigns to explore how we can more effectively co-ordinate our resistance and organise joint campaigning in identified areas.

The event will be largely workshop based with the aim of each workshop to come up with and agree a campaigns plan that participants will go away and work together to put into action. The idea of the Summit is to inspire concrete activity that will lead to real change.

The venue is wheelchair accessible, BSL interpretation will be provided and there will be a quiet room. Lunch will be provided (with thanks to the National Education Union). Please click 'register' to complete the booking form with your access and dietary requirments if you wish to attend the day. Please pick one workshop from session one, and one workshop from session two. 

Session 1 - Campaign priorities

Independent living

Social security

Accessible transport

Inclusive education

Mental Health

Employment

Session 2 – Organising

Protest and direct action

Legal challenges/using the law

Art and protest

Using the media

Intersectionality

Trade union organising

Let's sort out the class struggle in our own party first

There is most definitely a class war being waged. Sadly, that war is also being fought out within the Labour Party where the right is still controlling the mechanisms of power, and holding on tenaciously.

So, when people flippantly dismiss the struggle between right and left within the party as a distraction, I advise caution. Of course, the two wings of the party should be united against our real class enemy, the Conservatives. But sadly, this isn’t the case. No instead of a party unified, bound in common cause, pressing all its resources into action against Tory austerity, we are divided.

The Blairite right, including Progress, has for the past two years undermined the Corbyn leadership. It is only since Corbyn took over as leader of the party that disabled people are at last being listened to. The Labour Manifesto from the election this year is a million miles removed from that of 2015 when Rachel Reeves and Kate Green were the leading figures in the shadow DWP and disability arena.

Let's not forget, in March 2015, weeks before the general election, Rachel Reeves famously stated in the Guardian that the Labour Party was not the party of benefit claimants. 

At an earlier meeting I had with Rachel and Kate where I was pushing for Labour to come out in support of the ILF, Kate wondered why a scheme that helped only 19,000 people with complex care and support needs was being supported so many. When I said, “It’s called Solidarity, Kate. You know, the basic building blocks of Socialism?” She looked at me as though I was Satan himself.

We need to wrest the levers of power from those few who are stubbornly holding onto the controls of the Labour Party. Let’s remember who introduced the Work Capability Assessment, and during whose term of office the first attacks on disability benefits and services began. Then we might talk about dismissing left and right politics from our struggle. For I say that we need to win the class struggle in our own party before we can properly face the Conservatives.